Here I am still recovering from jet lag of my very first trip to India. Seems my body cannot get enough sleep and I doze off once in a while. Missing my boyfriend whom I left behind in the amazing yet busy-crazy city of Bangalore does not help either, and I still wonder if we will finally make this work in the real world, with no hotels, nice restaurants and touristic locations.
When all you have is a week every 6-4 months things get a bit surreal. You want them to be special and romantic and passionate (oh yes!) and real. The first day or two are basically “readjusting” to be face to face again, and then the passionate days come, the days in which you cannot have enough of him and you find yourself looking at him while he is (fill in whatever you want here from tooth brushing to reading the paper) and you think to yourself “how can he be so damn sexy?” while you reach for him yet again even though your body is still recovering from a very wild sex session that just happened.
And just when the normal/everyday feeling is setting in, the pre-goodbye moment comes. It usually hits me two to three days before we actually say goodbye. And most of the times at night, while he is asleep (recovering too, poor one) and I realise in X number of days I am not gonna feel him near again for I dont know how long. You get by because you are still together and you postpone that sadness and try to enjoy the days you have left together to the fullest.
But the dreaded goodbye moment comes. I sobbed this time while packing up, wipped my tears so he would not see me. I wondered how I was going to go through the following days, weeks, months without the beautiful feeling of his hand on mine, his touch on my skin, his passion inside… And you say goodbye and it hurts like some part of your heart has been ripped off and the rest is still beating intensifying the pain.
And you go on…making plans for the future, for the next trip and you start counting the days again. People in the meantime feel the need to let you know their opinion (have I ever cared or asked? Hell no!) of long distance relationships and how difficult they are and how you are kind of waisting your time in an alternative world of fantasy.
As for myself…fantasy or not, difficult or not I will still go for that amazing feeling of having found the man of my dreams, and that, is worth the fight.
Thanks for reading 🙂