Crossroads

Imagine the scene, two kids before the doorway of an old abandoned house.

house-allanza

Everybody in town knows the house is the only way to access a beautiful garden located at the back yard. Everybody knows you either take all the courage you are capable of and get in the house, or you either desist of your dream to know that spectacular garden and go on with your life as it was before, safe but without experiencing its beauty.

butchart-gardens-british-columbia-canada

The smallest of the kids is quite afraid from the beginning.  His eyes flashing with nervousness and a shiver going through his spine. He is still not sure the garden, where only the bold venture, is so much of a wonder.  He gives a few steps forward but he quickly steps back with fear.

The older one gives him a hard time, telling him how much of a “chicken” he is. He  says that together they can conquer all, overcoming any type of fear.  He repeats that nothing wrong would happen to them if they face it with strength and determination and most of all, together.

Carl & Ellie - Up - courtesy of Disney Pixar
Carl & Ellie – Up – courtesy of Disney Pixar

The smaller kid finally, after all his doubts makes a decision. He wants to enter the garden so badly…so he starts walking right to the house entrance. He stops right at the door and looks back searching for his friend, and something unexpected happens…

The older kid, the know-it-all, once brave and scared of nothing is paralyzed. He is simply scared. He has always been.

Yes I know, this is just a kid story but I am that paralyzed kid.

Being brave and bold is all I know. For one reason or another I have always chosen the difficult path and I have always endured it on my own. The more difficult it turnt out to be the hardest I worked to get it. Even when people tried to talk me out of it, their persistance in making me change my mind because it was a lost cause made me go for it even with more determination, because I felt I had no alternative as to face things alone. No alternative but being strong.

Right now I am in the middle of a crossroads. On the right path there is the garden we talked about, in my case a metaphor of a happy couple life. And on the left path is life as it is, as I know it.

Choosing the way to go is an easy one, who would not want to get to the garden, but let’s face it, I am scared the shit out of it. I, like the apparently brave kid in the story think, what if the roof of that old house falls over me while I wander around? what if the house is haunted? and most of all what if my adventure partner changes his mind leaving me in the dark in the middle of that horrible place?

What if….why do we have to always find reasons to our inability.

What if it goes right and I do not have a need to be the strong one anymore? What if I lay down my guard and show my weak side? Would that be so terrible?

I close my eyes and picture sunday mornings, I imagine the rainy days with a cup of Chai sharing a blanket. I envision facing the problems with someone instead of alone, and the good moments too. I can see the possibilities…my garden.

Carl & Ellie - Up - courtesy of Disney Pixar
Carl & Ellie – Up – courtesy of Disney Pixar

At the doorway looking back at me, like the smallest kid of our story, he is waiting for me, my adventure friend, my partner in crime, the love of my life…I take a deep breath gathering all my courage and I take a step. Forward.

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